the pinnacle of human invention

A short break for a much-needed plug.

While writers disparage the general coolness quotient of Duke fencing, one of my friends from the team... one who stuck with engineering long after I was a victim of attrition... has created perhaps the most amazing invention you will see in 2007. From the glorious mind of John Cornwell, please witness: the beer-launching fridge. I WANT one.

Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator - The funniest videos are a click away

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: less gyros, more ball

Daisuke: eat less
daisushi. Does "Wells" translate
well to nihongo?

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: please return by end of playoffs to avoid late fees

welcome to hockey,
where "Blockbuster deal!" implies
a rental coupon

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: tragedy strikes twice, a mile high

the snow falls darkly
in Denver, where it seems this
winter never ends

Ballhype: hype it up!


haiku de grace: week of 2/19/07

I've finally recovered from my Wednesday night hangover at DC Blogger Happy Hour 3, so I suppose it's time to wind another one up for tomorrow morning, right? There've been a number of posts covering the excellent affair, although my favorite is probably this rollcall from AwfulAnnouncing in which it is reveal that one of us pasty white bastards walked out on their tab. I promise it wasn't me. Straight cash prevents bad things from occuring. So does moderation, though, I guess, and there wasn't much of that in evidence, I'm happy to say. At about the point in the night where UM started going with the straight vodka I realized I was out of my league.

(For the record, I'm not in any of those photos, yet. As far as I know. Which only means that I'm one less person to recognize at Happy Hour 4 when there's another 20 of us sitting around individually because neither Mottram nor Steinberg has shown up and those are the only people we recognize.)

Daily Sports Haiku on Blog TV? Hey, it could happen.

Thanks to all the fine folks who met me this week and made DSH a part of their Blogroll (you hear how it rolls off the tongue, Comcast?). Your excellence has been noted in the sidebar.

Mangia bene and enjoy the weekend!

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: the key is to not swing at the mask

throw down your Sabres:
goalies brawl in Buffalo
(Biron's wife called "dyke"?)

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: welcome back! we got you a star player in a wheelchair

poor Pat returns from
exhaustion, then quickly he
develops nausea

Ballhype: hype it up!


come! and bask in my social awkwardness

Anybody in the DC area interested in beering it up and watching sports with a bunch of great sports bloggers (and me) should get their ass to Rhino Bar in Georgetown tonight, starting at 7 and going until... whenever (11-ish, it looks like). The inimitable Dan Steinberg from the WaPo will be there, the indubitable Jamie Mottram from Mister Irrelevant and Cold Pizza will be there, and the inebriated Unsilent Majority and Christmas Ape from Kissing Suzy Kolber will hold court as well, along with Information Leafblower, 289, and other talented folks whos real names haven't been published publicly yet as well. Gonna be a good time.

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: distance runners are crazy, impressive

Engle, Zahab, Lin:
on the ancient sand

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: he's short, we get it, now go away

Sticker at 12' 6"
can't beat Nate's twenty attempts?
Dwight Howard wuz robbed

Ballhype: hype it up!


haiku de grace: week of 2/12/07

Forgive the awkward construction this morning, but damned if I HAD to make a Haddaway joke.

Been scouring the interwebs today to find out exactly what Coach K said to Jared Dudley last night after the game. I'd guess it was less "you're a great player" and more "you went to the line 18 more times than we did so if you don't mind I'll be the one getting spittle on the refs, thanks." Dudley's my number one choice for "guy most likely to Kermitize somebody's face in" when he goes pro. Or maybe in the ACCs, a la Chris Paul to Julius Hodge's scrotum.

Also, I thought North Carolina was the worst when it came to dealing with snow, but then I moved to DC. At least they're sort of cute dealing with it down there in a "hey! white stuff! from the sky! are the gods angry?" sort of way. Here it's just panic followed by total government shutdown. Every year. It's a coastal city that's basically Northern and people just flip the fuck out... I can't explain it.

No links of note this week, sez Technorati, so that means: loyal haiku peoples! get the word out to your favorite sports sites! Nag, my minions! Let's get some links.

I'm kicking about the idea of doing spring training haiku for every baseball team, which would be numerically about 50% easier than doing it for every NCAA team in the Dance. My only worry is that I'm pretty sure I'd actually have to pay Gregg Easterbrook royalties at that point. (Still no link from Papa Bear. Eventually, I hope.)

With that, I'm off for a mercifully long weekend, which you may have already surmised. Back on Tuesday with some more 5-7-5 goodness.

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: me? him? him? me? me? him?

irony! guy sang
"What Is Love" hates gays! Oh, wait,
HARDaway, my bad

Ballhype: hype it up!


glorious people's haiku: 2/14/07

Loyal reader John chimes in with... Toyotas, I think.

Waltrip caught cheating
Tora Tora Tora - NOT!

Being from New Jersey, driving fast and turning left really isn't my thing. Last year I managed to stay awake for about 50 more laps of the Daytona 500 than my Charlotte-raised girlfriend did. Actually, I found it reasonably entertaining, in a "well, if I'm drunk, sure why not" sorta way. Maybe this year I'll make it to the halfway point.

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: Ninja Turtles were also a popular choice

you know what I miss?
those baseball card valentines.
"Albert Belle Hearts You!"

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: sports Boston would rather ignore

Irish win famine
strikes Celts, Doc thinks of wearing
ratty gray sweatshirt

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: at least I got my laundry done

Gilbert's forty short,
Chad Johnson keeps his pants on,
weekend disappoints

Ballhype: hype it up!


haiku de grace: week of 2/5/07

So what did we learn this week?

Peyton's monkey is dead and gone but Barbaro still lives in our hearts... suicidal robots are, despite what you may have read, more funny than offensive... Duke may have lost (and lost, and lost) but Tyler Hansbrough is still obnoxious... Albert Pujols is more patriotic than you... John Amaechi's gay is not contagious... and of course, when you absolutely, positively, HAVE to embarrass somebody on a major national sports site, there's no better insult than "Duke fencer".

This week's "If I Hypothetically Just Came Into A Large Inheritance Much Sooner Than I Thought, I'd Give Some Of It To Them" goes to The Serious Tip and Bettman Hates Hockey! for their love and linkage.

Enjoy the weekend!

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: quick! name three cyclists... two cyclists? one?

the dirty truth... Tour
needs villain: Landis. perhaps
wearing a Bush mask

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: they tired me out too

Carolina blew...
past Nelson, past Duke; right through
Cameron Indoor

Ballhype: hype it up!


glorious people's haiku: 2/7/07

Somehow this one slipped through the cracks from last week (read: I'm a forgetful jackass) but John weighed in colorfully on the Lions' chances for next year:

Lions get Sam Gash
Fitting, for the big pussies
Four and Twelve....maybe

You may have noticed there's a rather big college basketball game tonight. You also may have noticed... from the hundreds of times you've heard it from me on Deadspin or the one time you heard it on Sportsline... that I'm partial to royal blue over impoverished, Gerber baby, NIT-banner-posting blue. That said, I'll be hammered tonight in hopes of dulling the pain that I fear will be inflicted upon Duke Nation by a team that... and it pains me to admit it... is much, much better than ours (right now). That's why they play the games, though, right?

All I've gotta say is that those lucky bastards still in Cameron had better be LOUD tonight.

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: once again our signing day is a failure

come to DSH,
recruits! no test minimums!
(no pay, no hotties)

Ballhype: hype it up!




haiku de grace: week of 1/29/07

So. Anything on this weekend?

I had promised this week's esteemed linker, DC Sports Bog, a Caron Butler haiku, but seeing as how he cracked the roster... I'll save it for next year when it's Andray Blatche's turn.

10 points for anybody who can post a link to video of Shepard Smith's (FOX News) on-air reaction to the Great Mooninite Panic Of Boston. Rumor has it it's hi-lar-i-ous.

Enjoy the game, link to us, see you on Monday.

Ballhype: hype it up!

on: super bowl predictions are like assholes

meat having been cut,
Peyton now slices critics.
my pick: Colts by nine

Ballhype: hype it up!

glorious people's haiku: 2/1/07

So, uh, you may have heard that ESPN.com has comment boards now.

From reader John:

ESPN conversing?
Bloggers Of The World, UNITE!
W-W-L, my Arse!

You have to make some rather large leaps of pronunciation to make that one work, but I like the sentiment.

Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? "Hey, why don't we make a message board? Let's start it off with one of our most mockable columnists as a test run. I'm sure all the people on the internet who think ESPN has become a big ball of awful will just stay away." Yipes, can you imagine if Skip Bayliss had written something yesterday?

The real victim is the poor intern that had to repeatedly erase hundreds of comments about Barbaro and Sean Salisbury's cock yesterday.

Ballhype: hype it up!


on: dubious holidays

Groundhog sees shadow:
more winter. Kobe steps on
shadow: suspension.

Ballhype: hype it up!